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David Bach The Automatic Millionaire

What Should It Cost to Say 'I Love You'?

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Excellent (825 Ratings): 4.322424/5

Posted on Monday, February 12, 2007, 12:00AM

Is Valentine's Day about love or money? My heart tells me it should be about love and appreciation for those who matter most to us, but the facts show that Valentine's Day is truly big business.

According to the National Retail Federation, U.S. consumers are expected to fork over almost $17 billion this year on Valentine's gifts for their loved ones. That's $17 billion spent on one day -- in the name of love.

The Valentine's Day Factor

The smart marketers have us scrambling to empty our wallets in order to show just how much we love someone, which explains why Valentines Day has become the third-largest retail holiday of the year.

I'm not trying to be a Valentine's Day scrooge, but it's estimated that the average woman will spend $85 and the average man will spend $156 on the holiday. For a moment, let's assume you're not even close to average (since you're reading Yahoo! Finance, that's a demographically reasonable guess) and that you'll double this amount. Together, that's $500 you and your sweetheart will spend (or have already spent) for a retail-manufactured day of love.

Maybe this year it would be smart to think about the Valentine's Day Factor -- sort of like my Latte Factor, only on steroids.

The Grinch That Stole Valentine's Day?

I'm not for a second suggesting that you don't celebrate Valentine's Day. I'm both a romantic and a realist, and you have to celebrate the holiday if you have a significant other (you'd better not forget your mom or grandmother, either).

However, this Valentine's Day I want you to ask yourself, "How can I make this holiday meaningful and memorable?" Because, honestly, do you even remember what you gave or received last year?

I challenge you to express your true feelings with gifts from the heart rather than from the wallet. And if you've already bought Valentine's Day presents for your special someone, that's OK -- shower them with both kinds of gifts this year and remember my advice for next year.

This Valentine's Day, try loving rich with gifts that can't be bought with money. Experience true romance by making a meaningful connection with the person you love, and in the process deepen your relationship and create a lasting memory.

Three Heartfelt Tips

Here are my steps to creating a truly rich relationship this Valentine's Day.

1. Express your feelings in writing

You don't have to be a professional writer to craft a truly meaningful love note. There simply is no such thing as a poorly written love note. But if you need help, here are some suggestions.

Write a love letter that tells your loved one just how much they mean to you. But don't just write to write, take a few moments to put your heart and soul into it. Dig down and convey what you're truly feeling. If you lost the person you love (and this could be anyone, not just a significant other), what would you wish you'd told them?

Don't wait until it's too late. You'll be giving a gift that literally costs nothing, and if this simple gesture is all you do this Valentine's Day, it will mean more than any store-bought card, box of chocolates, or bouquet of flowers ever could.

2. Make a home-cooked meal.

I'm going against tradition with this advice, but in my opinion Valentine's Day is about the worst possible night of the year to eat out. Restaurants are packed (it's the second-busiest day of the year for them), the menus are often prix fixe, the prices are inflated, and the staff is overworked.

So this year, stay home and prepare a meal instead. It can be as simple or as elegant as you'd like. Make it special with a cozy table setting, candles, and music. If you don't cook, then plan a simple picnic in front of the fireplace. Or maybe you could snuggle up on the couch and watch a movie. Turn down the lights, pour two glasses of wine, and settle in for a relaxing evening.

Finally, it's the perfect time to give your sweetheart the love letter you wrote. Better yet, read it aloud to them!

3. Dream about the future together.

Nothing strengthens a relationship more than having a dream you work on together as a team. Talk about your dreams together, and spend your Valentine's Day planning your future.

Maybe your dream is to take an exotic trip. Visit one of the popular travel web sites to research destinations and costs, and have some fun planning it together. Or maybe you want to start saving to buy your first home. Sit down at the computer together and go on a few virtual home tours. Envision the kind of house you see yourselves in. Finally, if a vacation home is your future, use the Internet to find that perfect island getaway that you hope to someday own.

Then take the money you would have spent on each other for Valentine's Day and make a deposit into your dream savings account instead. Work together to save for your dreams and you'll find that they soon become a reality.

For Love and Money

I started this column asking if Valentine's Day is about love or money. In truth, it's about both -- but your truth is what you make it.

This year, I say make Valentine's Day more love-based and less spending-based. You may be surprised by just how rich it makes you and your loved ones feel.

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188 Comments

Showing comments 6-35 of 188<< Previous Next >>

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Yahoo! Finance User - Tuesday, February 20, 2007, 9:09PM ET Report Abuse
- Overall: 3/5
David Back's commentary is interesting but his suggestions for saving money instead of over-spend- ing on Valentine's Day leaves one puzzled. Love holds different definitions for each of us and money (??) that's a horse of a different color. Somewhat like saying, "East is East and West is West" but you can- not go in both directions at the same time. Well, so much for comments. G'bye!!
Yahoo! Finance User - Tuesday, February 20, 2007, 11:34AM ET Report Abuse
- Overall: 5/5
Christmas, Valentine's, and Mother's and Father's Days have become such commercialized holidays, that you wonder - the economy is depending on these days to keep afloat. At the expense of the consumers. All these subliminal messages from jewelry dealers make people think that they *have to* buy jewelry to show that they love someone.. or such nonsense...
Yahoo! Finance User - Saturday, February 17, 2007, 11:22PM ET Report Abuse
- Overall: 5/5
Nice work. I made a card for my girlfriend out of copy paper, scotch tape, and a few colorful highlighter pens. No store-bought anything could have come anywhere close. She loved it so much that, well, you get the idea...
Lorraine C - Saturday, February 17, 2007, 5:12AM ET Report Abuse
- Overall: 5/5
Great article. Since when does money measure love? Love does not know the dollar. Only retailers know about the dollar. Love is great Love is grand, Love is Love. Money is money.
JulieB - Wednesday, February 14, 2007, 1:25PM ET Report Abuse
- Overall: 5/5
You are right on. Love is not about money. My most memorable moments of the true form of love were when we were barely making ends meet and the little suprises or kindness we did for each other. With all four of my children, I continue to treasure their "artwork" and display them each holiday from their Kindergarten projects through about 5th grade. The little things done from the heart are the most precious.
Tiffany - Wednesday, February 14, 2007, 12:42PM ET Report Abuse
- Overall: 5/5
This articale was absolutely wonderful; with such truthful and meaningful suggestions as to what a couple could do instead of spending money that is truly un-necessary. Many people that have commented seem to agree with this article, but at the same time, I wonder just how many people will truly take this article to heart and express to their significant other just how much they LOVE them without the need to spend so much money. I read over comments, and the ideas that others have are just wonderful. One person suggested taking a picture of eachother together and forming a Valentines Day picture book of all the years the two have been together, or even having an in-house picnic with candlelights, or even more intimate having a bubble bath together with candles and rose pettles........but all in all, I think most people get the idea that LOVE is way of expression and feelings, not of value and materialistic items that most seem to put away and forget about the next day or loose. Materials should not be the way one expresses their LOVE, but time spent together and expressed physically, emotionally, and verbally should be the way of LOVE. HAPPY VALENTINES DAY EVERYONE and good luck with your special someone!!
Hilisha W - Wednesday, February 14, 2007, 12:22PM ET Report Abuse
- Overall: 5/5
I LOVE IT! Today is not about money anyway. My boyfriend called @ 12:05 a.m. and wanted to be the first to say Happy Valentine's day and since he is a WORKAHOLIC, I may not even see him but when I do, he better watch out! He loves to eat so there you go, I will feed him his favorite dish, From the heart!
Meera - Wednesday, February 14, 2007, 12:18PM ET Report Abuse
- Overall: 5/5
A wonderful article - why do we need to show someone we love them once a year. Everyday should be Valentine's Day!
Shirley - Wednesday, February 14, 2007, 12:12PM ET Report Abuse
- Overall: 5/5
I completely agree, and I am so glad that you brought it up. My gift was free since our finances are tight. My husband did something creative that normally is not. He got a big cardboard cut into a heart, paint it, and glued pictures of us from all the years we've been together. Love doesn't mean to buy expensive stuff.
smarty - Wednesday, February 14, 2007, 12:00PM ET Report Abuse
- Overall: 5/5
This is a wonderful article. I definitely believe that love doesn't cost a penny. Its the creativity that counts. Showing someone that you care is all about the time and effort that you put into making them feel appreciated. Money should be a small factor because it can come and go in a blink of an eye.
Deborah - Wednesday, February 14, 2007, 11:47AM ET Report Abuse
- Overall: 5/5
Priceless by any definition.
Brando - Wednesday, February 14, 2007, 11:46AM ET Report Abuse
- Overall: 5/5
As long as you are giving from the heart and take your time to remember little details it does not matter what you give.Play a song look at the person in the eyes and tell them how much you love them not just today but as often as possible.
Yahoo! Finance User - Wednesday, February 14, 2007, 11:37AM ET Report Abuse
- Overall: 4/5
lets spend that money for those in dire need and bring back the value of valentine so the poor and rich can get the true meaning of this romantic day. I would sugest if you and your lover have that much to spend, extend that monetary gift together to some needy and find out how fulfilling it is to both of you. Thats the moment you will never forgeet in your life....lets make a meaningful difference. This is a go-go advice Dave, I hope it reaches those who care and are willing to contribute making this a better place for all......
klara - Wednesday, February 14, 2007, 11:36AM ET Report Abuse
- Overall: 5/5
This is very beautiful âweak upâ writing. Money cant Bye Love, but it seams that on the Valentines Day we are looking more for material gifts than spiritual. We miss all year long that beautiful meaningful look in the eyes phrase âI Love Youâ, and on Valentines we forget about it and expect the love to be expressed by gifts. My soul mate never bought me Valentine Gift. The truth is that I never missed it, because in that day he prepares the breakfast and coffee for me . He cooks a delicious Italian stile dinner, and we close the night with a nice glass of wine and lots of kisses.
Noushin - Wednesday, February 14, 2007, 11:36AM ET Report Abuse
- Overall: 5/5
Very nice article, I just want to add that Love is the magic that makes you feel you can do anything. If you be in love, a real love you can do everything, you can show your love in best way which hearts knows the way, no need money and anything else. Always remember 'Love is the magic'
Yahoo! Finance User - Wednesday, February 14, 2007, 11:31AM ET Report Abuse
- Overall: 5/5
Now a days life is going faster than we expected and we feel guilty when spending time on things that are not going to give us any profit. We pospond time with our Children, Love Mates and Friends with the excuse that we don't have time Left for them and here is where money solve us the problems, we send flowers, buy a make up gift, send a card but I think that Our children, our Love Mate and Friends will be more delighted if we spend more time with them, Life is very short and we dont know if we are going to have our loved ones tomorrow.
Mandy - Wednesday, February 14, 2007, 11:30AM ET Report Abuse
- Overall: 5/5
I agree on this article. It's all about love and not money!!!
Nina - Wednesday, February 14, 2007, 11:27AM ET Report Abuse
- Overall: 4/5
This is so true, valentine should not be about getting an expensive gift it should be about the special things in life like the ones we take for granted. Everyone is busy and stressed all the time therefore taking out time for each other should be the focal point. If you think about it for most people its harder making a gift by hand or writing a love letter than just going to the store and swiping the plastic card at the cashier......One of my favourtie quotes "I'd rather have roses on my table than diamonds on my neck"
Yahoo! Finance User - Wednesday, February 14, 2007, 11:17AM ET Report Abuse
- Overall: 5/5
As I read your article it made me happy when I read suggestion #2 and knew that I had made my loved one a special breakfast this morning which I never ordinarily do. Things like that he will remember, unlike purchased things.
Shy - Wednesday, February 14, 2007, 11:10AM ET Report Abuse
- Overall: 5/5
Wonderful article.
Jerry - Wednesday, February 14, 2007, 11:08AM ET Report Abuse
- Overall: 5/5
nice, you cut right through the c*ap and got to the heart of things, pun not intended. these suggestions are very good especially the first one; i usually like to write my girl a poem and i was surprised how long she kept 'em for (probly still has 'em stored somewhere) anyways good luck and happy v-day
izzy - Wednesday, February 14, 2007, 11:05AM ET Report Abuse
- Overall: 5/5
Davis, you are so right! People forgot that Valentine's Day is about sharing your heart, mind and soul with your loved one. People should celebrate Valentine's Day each day they live. Most of us are luck to see our loved ones at the end of the day, especially with what's going on in the world today. My friend lost his wife and will never have a Valentine's Day for the rest of his life! How luck am I. How luck most people are!!!
luvbuglane - Wednesday, February 14, 2007, 11:00AM ET Report Abuse
- Overall: 5/5
I was just sitting here feeling sorry for myself that we have NO money to spend on Valentine's day when I stumbled acrossed this article. Thanks for reminding me that the greatest gift I have today is a husband and family who I love and who love me....and I just happen to have a couple steaks in the freezer, so I will make our own restaurant! lol
Yahoo! Finance User - Wednesday, February 14, 2007, 10:56AM ET Report Abuse
- Overall: 5/5
i loved your tips for valentine's and it should be about love and not money!
Rohit - Wednesday, February 14, 2007, 10:52AM ET Report Abuse
- Overall: 2/5
Love was always cost by one and only one precious thing in the world and it was LIFE. So be care full to fall in love you canât not imagine how much it was going to cost you. pusHkar
Kathy - Wednesday, February 14, 2007, 10:51AM ET Report Abuse
- Overall: 3/5
Well.... for 16 yrs. my ex used the excuse that the restaurants would be too crowded on Valentine's Day- so I ALWAYS ended up cooking dinner at home. He also said that flowers and gifts were a waste of time and money- perhaps that's why he is now my EX husband. :-)
Jeremy B - Wednesday, February 14, 2007, 10:49AM ET Report Abuse
- Overall: 5/5
Truly, this was a great article on Valentine's Day, explaining how we have gotten away from the idea of love and more about spending the most money. It doesn't hurt to spend money but you can show your love for someone without spending a million bucks and it will be more effective!
M. A. K - Wednesday, February 14, 2007, 10:43AM ET Report Abuse
- Overall: 1/5
How do you spell Love? M-O-N-E-Y !!!
Yahoo! Finance User - Wednesday, February 14, 2007, 10:26AM ET Report Abuse
- Overall: 2/5
In my opinion, yes, Valentine's Day is overmarketed, but I don't feel it's all geared toward the gift giving. I feel that it is more marketed to the sentimental side that was expressed in this arcticle and that we are all expected to show. And if you don't meet your loved ones high expectations of intimate romance - set by the greeting cards - somehow you don't love that person enough? I am not a romantic, but my husband is. It's holidays like this that make me uncomfortable. I know he loves me dearly and I would hope he knows how much he means to me through my everyday actions, but to spend the entire day professing my love in any way that I can think of just because it's February 14th makes me tired just thinking about it and should not be the measure of my love. It's the reason why we have greeting cards to begin with and the one I choose this year was a singing Barry White card. Romantic, not really, but it was very funny!
Tang - Wednesday, February 14, 2007, 10:24AM ET Report Abuse
- Overall: 5/5
nice....i hope more tips like this wud be up advertised every year before valentine's....at least it helps by preventing oneself to crack his head on what to do to make it a perfect valentine....thanks!

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